i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Good news!! I can adult!! ๐ turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ๐ญ๐
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