positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
