:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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