Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
