got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
