Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
