It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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