just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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