dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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