please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
