Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
