Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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