it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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