I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
