Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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