DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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