you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
