Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
