my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
