There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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