there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
