life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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