my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
