Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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