How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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