My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
