just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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