Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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