Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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