i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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