remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
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They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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