Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
