you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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