I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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