since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
