Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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