I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
