dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
