just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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