Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
