The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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