i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
