so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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