I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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