I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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