she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
