Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize