I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
