I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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