I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
