My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
