Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
