I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
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Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
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he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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