I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
