I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
