The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
