So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
