i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
