Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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